As some of you know, the gang and I have moved to the lovely area of the historic Marcy projects. But beyond the misty meadows and the Old English flowing rivers there is trouble brewing, Hasitic Jewish trouble. I've had a few run in's with these jokers over the past couple months and I've come to hear only worse and worse things about these enigmas of the human race. So, lets take a look and see if we can get a closer look and maybe a better understanding of my new neighbors.
what is a hasitic jew? For my friends not living in the New York city area, you may be lucky enough to have never interacted with these creatures. Hasitic jews are similar to regular jews, only everything about them is completely exaggerated as if you were viewing a jewish person in a fur coat on mushrooms. The ensemble is very modest and tasteful consisting of a giant robe, a hat that is made of a tire dipped in hair, and Pilgrim stockings and pirate shoes. To their credit however, they've managed to stand out even among the crowd in williamsburg which is a feat in itself. Prepare to get a few hundred awkward glances if you skate down the street because this is the one group of people who have still never seen nor heard a skateboard in their lives, I swear these fucking people are from the past, thousands of years ago they stumbled upon a time machine and right before they got in they tripped a wire that tarred them and dumped old barber shop trimmings on them before being druged then pushed a few buttons until they arrived here.
Where's the beef, this hate isn't Kosher? I don't hate jewish people, in fact I love all the success they've had in this country, like the show Seinfeld. The hasids however leave a bad taste in my mouth (thats what she said). The men have the sexual maturity of a 10 year old boy seeing his first boob , only for penises. They alone keep the prostitution business thriving in nyc, these guys really love dicks, that and mini vans. I've never had more attention skating down the street then this in my life and it scares the shit out of me. Just last night our new guy Jeff that sleeps on our floor almost got abducted trying to find our house, call me a pessimist but I don't think their intentions were to just "give him a ride" like they said while holding duck tape behind their back and violently masterbating in front of him.
I don't know what I'm trying to prove with this post, but all I know is that these guys are the worst. I guess I'm a racist now. No, I think I just hate creepy assholes with weird costumes that attempt to rape me and my friends. Meh, I'm just racist.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
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