Rants and raves, a 22 yr old boy going on 80

So I finally got a computer I can use to complain about stuff on again thanks to my buddy Jeff Hackworth, he had no choice in the matter really because it's part of his new rent plan to give me computer time now, which is pretty sweet because one of my roommates already locked his door due to the Duff man needing to much vanity time and the other is apparently getting cranky that I keep using his laptop without his permission...Sorry "mom". Any who, here's some stuff that's been on my mind as of late.

Tipping isn't a city in China, but it should be: If there's one thing I honestly can say that I've been selfless and generous with my whole life is leaving a pretty good tip. But as of late, I've also let my bad attitude take over that aspect of my life as well. You walk into the bar, get hassled because your id may or may not be real, wait 20 minutes for your drink order to be taken by a saggy and busted bartender who giggles to herself after sizing you up and hands you a glass half full of warm beer and then it's not only expected that I will leave at least a dollar tip but implied. A dollar tip on every drink? It's literally gonna take at least 3 drinks to be buzzed enough into thinking that going out to the bar with Peter G and Canyon, a 19 year old child who walks like he rode to New York on horse back, at 3 am on a Tuesday is a good idea.

What can I do besides complain: I'd sit pretty comfortable with just complaining, but some of you out there may be more proactive and would like to have a solution to your problems. So I came up with a brilliant plan that's been working out great for me...retipping. Retipping is the art of taking somebody Else's tip and retipping it to the bartender so I can save up more to buy myself more drinks. I've become a robin hood of sorts, I steal from assholes and give to pretencions beer jockeys . It's a win win. But when I'm feeling really good, I steal the tip from multiple pretty boy Floyd's from the bar and use that money to buy drinks and don't tip anything at all, that's a win win win. Three Win's can't be wrong.

What if my friend is bar tending?: This is a tough call, because in this case your usually drinking for free in this situation and a tip would be the right thing to do. But, what about my companionship for a tip? I mean come on, I could understand if I was Creepy boring guy Blank over here but I'm tellin stories, doing impressions, using props, honestly a few free drinks is the least you can do for me and I would go as far as to say a tip would be in order. It's like making a gift for your friends and family instead of purchasing what they actually want or need, I mean sure their not happy with it but nobody has the heart to call you out on it right? And besides, if your reading this then you don't have enough friends to worry about one being a bartender, except maybe Clay...he's so awesome.

How do I sleep at night? I'm such an asshole right? Yeah I guess, but as I see it I have the worst luck out of anybody I know and well, this kind of stuff evens the scale in my mind. I'm in bad health, I have to wash my hair with vinegar to rid of the dandruff, my body admits and unpleasant odor, I'm constantly losing money , all minorities seem to have a problem with me including white people, I'm constantly being ticketed and shit on by birds or pissed on by toddlers in china town and well, yeah I think I'm gonna keep my dollar instead of giving it away to go towards the bartenders next chestpeice tattoo idea.