Saturday, March 20, 2010

The great Bambino...

Following up on a series of quirky events in my childhood involving the Late great Richard Powers comes the third installment of "Crazy stories my dad told me". The scene takes place in Boulder, Co and a ten year old Seth gets ahold of a baseball that has an epic tale behind it. So here it is, enjoy.

"A grand prize".

My father had always been a pack rat, and like most pack rats every piece of junk that he owned had a unique and very long story attached to why he could not part ways with it. Amongst the hover craft, cases of pezz dispensers and 3d peep show magazines there was one thing that caught my eye...the snake skin baseball. The origins of the baseball changed from time to time but the basic plot remained the same. One faithful night in NYC, my father, along with the social elite of New York, was invited to attend Clint Eastwood's birthday party. He never got into too much detail on how he was invited or if he just showed up but I'm assuming that he snuck in if any of the story is true. So, while mingling and cock tailing he eventually makes his way to talkin with the man of the hour, big Clint. Some time goes by and the two become smitten with each other, my old man's got him in stitches, "He was dyin, I was on fire that night, I told the elephant in the bathtub joke" he explained, which on a unrelated note is my mothers least favorite jokes.
The night winds down, Clint wishes everybody off and then before my dad can get to the door Mr. Eastwood presents him with a gift. The gift, which he received from a celebrity on said celebrity's birth day, was a Snake skin baseball signed by Babe Ruth, and more importantly a symbol of there newly discovered friendship. "It's one of a kind" my dad explained, "and if there are others out there, there aren't that many", hmmmmm. I had heard the tale so many different times. I hated baseball, but something about that baseball called to me, it was my leg lamp. After years of begging, he finally caved in and gave me the baseball. It was one of the happiest days of my young life, I held it and smelled it and thought "this is the greatest moment of my life". Two weeks later however, I had found yet another siren call in the form of a sack of pogs and a tattered playboy magazine, roughly estimated the conversion rate from middle school street cred to us dollars is about $1 million, so I gave up the ball to hopefully finally drop mine. Upon hearing that the ball was missing, my dad was pretty upset and a little skeptical of the story I came up with. Though He had never seen the movie, my dad did know that I never hung with any kid named yeah yeah, I didn't have a tree house and there was no ball eating dog named the "beast " that lived near by, that and he over heard me watching The Sandlot with my friend and discussing the lie.


Fuck me, right?

Monday, March 15, 2010

The King of the Cobras, truley missed...

This morning, while walking to the train at 5 in the morning amongst the hacids and the crack addicts was really when the reality of the situation had hit me. On the train while listening to my ipod on shuffle, which is never a good idea when you get your music off Clays laptop which about 90% of which is dj so and so's shmuck face remix, I heard a song that made me cry. I'm not proud to say that it was T.I.'s dead and gone, which doesn't exactly relate to the situation but none the less it happened. In a crowded subway car I was crying and listening to this song and then all of a sudden I just imagined if Dempsey had been there and seen me and his reaction to the fact that I was crying to T.I. and I started laughing. Dempsey was always quick to call you out, or himself out and make everybody laugh. He was always down for anything and was by far the gnarliest guy you'd ever know. I wish more then anything that I could come out to Colorado and be there with all of my friends who really are my family and share my memories with everybody and help heal the people I care most about but I can't and it sucks. So, I wanted to share a few things that make me smile, laugh, and look back and just think about how crazy it was to be around Jake Dempsey. Here it is, my top 5 for Jake Dempsey, RIP buddy.

1. The 1086 house in Denver- Every night at that house was insane and usually Jake had something to do with it. You couldn't help but just sit back and watch the mayhem unravel and how crazy/awesome/terrifying whatever he was doing was. The rug trick, cheering on chick fights, self surgery, and in the end, no matter what happened it would always bring everybody together to laugh and shout and reminisce about the night before and it brought everybody closer.

2. Any one of the 100's of injuries- No matter how gnarly he was injured, he would never show any pain. He was a super human who didn't skate but yet would eat shit harder then anyone of us at any given moment. You would see him the next morning, cig in his mouth and that glazed over face giggling saying "fucking check this shit out...". Then, after he should be bed ridden and not be able to walk you see him in the back yard cutting down a tree or making a fire pit.

3. Never backed down...ever: My group of friends are always willing to sacrifice themselves before letting a friend get hurt and Jake was the King of that. No matter what went down, even if it was our fault, he was there along with co viking Jari to throw down and get crazy. Brass knuckles, ancient weapons, stink bombs, you name it and Demspey had it.

4. Anything skull or grim reaper related...anything: Yabo and I used to go to Dempseys room and watch tv on his 230" plasma before he threw a remote at it for acting up, and always crack up at the shit Dempsey had. Skull posters, grim reaper bandannas and or a skull guitar ashtray Dempsey owned it, and it was awesome because it was just how Dempsey was, he pulled it off.

5. "I am what I am"- One of the best parts about Dempsey was he never tried to be anything he wasn't. No matter how many crazy fazes the rest of us went through Dempsey was always himself, didn't care what people thought and I always admired that. Jake Dempsey was true blue, and I'm gonna miss him and I know a whole bunch of other people are too.

So, I'm gonna remember the good times I had with Jake and I'm gonna remember the good times I have with all my friends. So, when your drinking your 40oz of king cobra just watch out not to get the rug pulled out from under you by Dempsey, cause he got me every time.

RIP Jake Dempsey

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I've been diagnosed with writers block...

Though I've given it a college try about 5 times now, I just can't kick this writers block kick. I don't know what the problem is seeing that I usually have something terrible happen to me daily. So, instead of a new post I'm gonna just try to come up with some ideas "out loud". I'm hoping that this will get the juices flowing inside my head and get some stuff going, maybe a Venn diagram or a thought tree.

1. Shit peddle out yet another top 5: These can really be about any one of a number of things, a whosy whatsy, a thing a majig, etc. I usually try to gear it more towards hurting somebody that I care about's feelings, thus sealing my fate as a complete asshole in their eyes forever.

2. Another ironic restaurant review: Last time I did the Halal cart, maybe this time I'll do a fast food restaurant or something. If I could just figure out a way to get this crappy food for free then I won't feel guilty about sliding this garbage down my gullet. Taint nothing wrong withs a little crown fried chicken every once and ah fuckin a.

3. Figure out some thing about Clay or Peter to poke fun at: These characters are an endless supply of blog posts, though I do start to feel guilty about it. Sometimes when I'm asleep in my bed I kind of think I can feel Clay hovering over me with a pillow or a shoe string ready to choke me to death. I also have this dream where I'm a hot dog and I'm getting chased by a giant hamburger.

4. Make a post of all the poems I wrote in high school: Some were about how miserable it was to be an angsty misunderstood teenager in this capitalist nation of conformity and others were about friends I have now girlfriends that I had crushes on. It's funny to look back on those times and think about the problems I had then and the problems I have now...both being that I have to smoke weed out of a tin foil pipe in shame.

5. A photo update: I don't think I have enough notoriety yet to simply post pictures of myself and my friends doing stuff that everybody else does but it's somehow more important and artistically valid because were "important". Besides, there's enough of that at www.thegreendiamond.com, and their way funnier then our group of friends anyway...right? Clay was on that site once wasn't he...

Well I guess I'm out of ideas guys, sorry...or did I just peddle out some shit on you just now? I know, I just blew your mind.