Thursday, June 11, 2009

The top 5 reasons for excusing Yabo's behavior

I Recently went on a week long trip to SF where I ran into a close friend of mine, Yabo. He's also told me he's heading to NYC next month to come see his parents and maybe me so I thought' I'd give some pointers on dealing with Yabo for novices in the big apple.With such an accomplished partyer as himself there needs to be a set outline on one liners the party thrower may hear. So, here is the farthumorquarterlyzine.blogspot.com's the top 5 reasons for excusing Yabo's behavior...



1. "Sorry for Partying"-A Yabo staple, this line in itself could arguably sum up this man. It establishes dominance in the situation and evokes sympathy for him at the same time. Whether your trying to block him from jumping down your stairs into your grandparents antiques or begging him to stop putting his testicles on everything, this one liner is gonna leave an amateur party thrower dead in his tracks.




2. "Don't be that dude that gets bummed because I_______"-Another classic from this party animal will have you speechless if unprepared. The reason this line is so dangerous is that it will immediately grab support from his drunken peers that only hear a confrontation involving a friend and you, who is now "THAT dude". The blank is usually filled with "farted on you" or "had a naked hot sauce fight".





3. "Whatever _____, you used to be down"-This line is usually a distraction method in which he uses when something way more sinister is happening in the party you left unattended to deal with the matter at hand. At this stage in the night if this line is used then I'm assuming frozen foods have been stolen or under aged kids have entered your house/dorm room.




4. "Am I blowing it"?- This line is thrown out there right after something horrible has happened. The answer to this question is almost always Yes, but the fact that he would even ask it throws people off and kind of makes them think he kind of apologized which gives him 10-15 more minutes of solid partying.



5. "Up all night, creek all day"-A classic spoof on Slaughter's "up all night, sleep all day". This is Screamed repeatedly by Yabo and his peers and at this point shirts are off and depending on the night pants may be off as well. The origins of this battle cry are derived from Boulder Colorado's boulder creek, a party haven for Yabo who's spent countless summer days drinking in it's cool and refreshing waters.


Sunday, June 7, 2009

another contest update...so, yeah I'm like out of funny ideas

I had the pleasure of going to the "Back to the Banks" contest the other day and it was like a reunion fest 09 repeat all over again, but way more local and cooler. I ran into a few familiar faces and even rekindled a few lost friendships. So here's my recap of the most interesting thing that's taken place at the Brooklyn banks since last year...


I was feeling a little home sick after my return from SF and not seeing all my friends anymore but then suddenly forgot all about them when Zayn showed up at my door. Zayn is like all of my other friends except he's way funnier and an accomplished thief.

Apparently Zayn didn't find the humor in being
in a picture with his friend Joe under the Mcdonalds
ad that says "the new IT couple".



This is Zayn's under aged friend Joe, I wasn't
surprised by the same old antics of Zayn bringing
minors to my house but the new twist on this old
favorite is that this time this one had a duel case
of pink eye and the flue and pussed all over my pillow.


After collecting a hefty amount of I.O.U.'s from Zayn's eating rampage we finally made it to the contest. Joe seemed pretty excited to see all the pro's out there, but was quickly disappointed when I let him know he was just mixing up important people with local losers because of the thick film he had over his eyes. That's when we started seeing all the action!

I saw Brooks standing on this ledge
and approached him to say "hello" but
he kept saying he didn't remember who
I was, I tried to explain but then he flat
out just ignored me.


Reda also ignored me...



But then I ran into Brownlee who was
hyped to see me, which was cool.

I couldn't really see anything going on in the actual contest and decided to just keep wondering around running into people I know or admire. Peter was around somewhere, I think he was on a mission to wash his hands or something...or get sushi. But just when I was worrying about peter, a nobody, Zayn and I ran into a real somebody...

The muska showed up on his bike and
immediately started killing it...well, he
took a bunch of pictures and stuff


He was even nice enough to take a picture
with Zayn.




It was really hard to get a view from where we
were, and Zayn was getting pretty fed up and
cranky.



But Zayn always has a few tricks
up his sleeve



And as quickly as the contest entered my life, it left. Zayn snacked on my food and Joe continued to eject pink eye fluid all over my house. It was hard saying goodbye to them, but the next day they left back to DC on the china town bus...I was alittle worried about Zayn's young friend Joe because of him becoming legally blind and the over all grotesque appearance of his face but I got some muchers from dunken doughnuts and quickly forgot about Joe's horrifying eye's. Get well soon Joe!






















Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Living in the Bay is like a MotherF@#$ing Zoo...a recap

I just got back from my big adventure across the country to San Fransico, New York's gay cousin, to meet up with 15 guys and exercise all day and then sleep in the same smelly room at night. On a more serious note, I would like to thank Damon and Laurant for letting 15 plus degenerates sleep in their house and bum out their roommates, and wish them all the best of luck in trying to rid the smell of feet from their carpet.


The day I got in I was informed that Peter Goldberg had left after one day due to a cold, which shocked nobody and inevitably lead to an ongoing inside joke throughout the trip. Get well soon Peter, don't become another man in 2009 to die from the common cold...

Since Peter left after only a day, I didn't
get the chance to see him or take a picture
of him, So here is a picture of Canyon
drinking a "Chai Latte" which is equally
as embarrassing as Peter leaving.





The Next day we all headed out to Wallenberg high school at 10 in the morning for the contest that thrasher magazine put on, for those of you who don't know what thrasher magazine is just picture farthumorquarterlyzine but not funny and only about skateboarding. Since nobody in the crew had been up before noon in over 3 years we didn't know what to drink to wake up.



Mike told me he stopped smoking weed
after he saw me all high the night before, but
he did start drinking gin in the mornings...




Then I decided that he probably stretched the
truth about the whole not getting high thing
as you can see in what used to be his eyes...



Oh yeah, these guys were there too...
This was going to be a picture of someone pulling
off an amazing move at the contest, but after reviewing
my pictures I quickly realized I just took a bunch of Mike
so here he is again.


After the contest we were all really buzzed off of the thrill of seeing history, and all booze we drank so we headed out to get breakfast. Most of the guys went to some stupid diner but Yabo and I decided the best thing to do for our bodies was to start day 1 of our new Popeyes diet. Popeyes was delicious, but it turns out that it isn't very good for you and I felt really out of shape. I still feel like garbage actually.

As you can see in this picture,
Yabo is an extremely health
conscious sober guy.


The next couple nights were pretty epic and involved tandem hill bombs outside the karaoke bar into prostitutes, Diner fights that ruined long time friendships, Jari getting stoned,buying fake cocaine off of a guy named "hustle Jamie"(who'da thought he would sell baby powder to underaged kids with a name like that), Shwilly wondering why the girl he made out with at the bar wouldn't call him back, Shwilly talking about that girl, Shwilly pissing me off talking about that girl, Jari getting stoned,Tinez doing something sketchy all trip long, drawing portraits of loose mom's at the bar, and Damon regretting the moment when he agreed to let "some of us" stay at his house for a few nights which led to 15 man children taking over his apartment.
I'm kind of an artist now.

I of course do not have photo's of all the amazing moments that took place throughout the rest of that amazing trip, but the memories will last for at least a couple days. And that is the end of friendship fest 09 and probably the last time we will all see each other before we get a girl pregnant or go to jail.