I'm too negative: I have been hearing this for awhile now, not only from my bosses and coworkers but from my family and friends which leads me to believe...that it's not true. I mean I don't think I'm a positive guy but I don't think I'm that negative. Wouldn't it make more sense that everybody I know both professionally and personally are making this up because they're all against me? Exactly... and besides, even if it doesn't make more sense it's definitely the easier way to look at it then re evaluating my whole attitude in hopes of changing my poor perception of everyone and everything and continue being a cancer to my co workers. So chill ok, yeah I like know what I'm doing and shit...
too sarcastic: Yeaaaaahhhh okkkk, ok sure, I'm TOO sarcastic...pshhhhh pull your head out of you're ass already. There is no such thing as being "too sarcastic" and if we really want to get into the semantics about this then sarcasm doesn't even really exist, I'm not sure if that's an actually fact, but a dude out side a store on st. marks playing with devil sticks trying to bum a cigarette off me told me that so if you have a problem with his logic then you know where to find him to tell him he's full of spit. Growing up, my Sicilian mother would openly use sarcasm and other dangerous forms of speech including the word "crap" all the time...I can't believe she set me up for disaster like this, fuck.
I'm too selfless and giving: Well, not exactly in those words. Here's the story, my department in the store I work at won a contest. The prize, which is yet to be announced, is rumored to be about 3 thousand dollars to spend on whatever you want to do with you're department. So, they began taking tally of peoples ideas on what they want to do with the money whether that be going to six flags, having a boat party or drinking themselves to death...I put up as my vote that we donate the money to a charity that we could all agree on. In my meeting that I mentioned earlier, this was the one topic that they were angry about the most..."why would you put something so stupid as donate to charity for you're vote, we all worked hard on this and that's the shit you vote on"? That what my boss had to say, I don't think he's very interested in sharing our prize but in the break room there is still a box that reads "Haiti food drive" which has been there since, well the hurricane. I guess they're waiting to send that out along with the food drive from 9-11 and kill two birds with one stone.
Offensive cartoons: This one has gotten me into more trouble than my offensive mouth. I'm always getting caught for loving little doodles of my boss or co workers that they take as an attack. One time I had the head of security and the top person in HR come take me into a room and interrogate me. From the moment I walked in every manager was on a walkie talkie panicking that "I had entered the building". When I got upstairs I agreed to talk with them and asked why they didn't approach me to talk with me instead of having a sting out to get me and they said "we feared it would be too dangerous". After questioning me for awhile they finally presented me with their key piece of evidence... a piece of paper with doodles of a hamburger shooting mustard onto a hot dog, a rollerskating kitten, a cell phone holding a sword and "a manager's name written somewhere on the paper" they said. They were very concerned and so was I, because I had thrown that doodle out with my lunch and I got see that it had bbq sauce and lettuce stains on the paper. They explained that the cleaning lady saw it in the garbage and felt she needed to contact someone immediately, and to think I never ratted her out for stealing toilet paper....
Anywho, I guess the point of this post is... can someone hire me please? I need a new job
We are dangerous and unemployable.
ReplyDeleteid hire you.
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