Greetings and welcome to an exciting series of posts dedicated to the review of local cuisine and more! Our last review brought us to the scenic corner of Broadway and canal st where I tried an exotic plate of Halal food with a side of yellow slime glove pieces. This time however, I decided to take my taste buds a little deeper into china town and get the true new york experience. So, nestled in between knock off purse vender's and knock off scarf vender's lays this New York city staple.
Burger king, 273 Canal st.
As I entered the doors of Burger King on Canal st an overwhelming smell of human waste entered my nostrils. This was not the smell I was expecting from such a respected restaurant but the longer I breathed in this waste, the hungrier I became. As I pushed my way through the gaggle of a thousand German tourists waiting to use the one burger king bathroom that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, I finally got to the counter. The menu was extensive, and I was impressed. Burgers, cheese burgers, two burgers, bacon two burger with cheese instead of buns, Oreo sour patch kids kit kat frozen pies...this was gonna be a hard choice. In the end though, I had to stick with the "value menu" options. For those of you who are not familiar with the "value menu" this will include items that are either too frowned upon by society to be on the big menu or items that just sound like a bad idea, "chicken nugget sandwich" or "BK mozzarella fingers". Either way your gonna end up with more mediocre food slightly less then if you just ordered a combo meal.
The woman at the counter looked at me, almost through me, and said something that was not in English nor any other language I've ever heard. She had black growths on her face, which is popular among the Asian elderly when they reach 1,000 years old and become part dragon. "Oh, I'll have two of the whopper jr sandwiches with no mayonnaise, and a value fries and drink" I said with excitement. "Bongdue" she replied, I was puzzled. "bongdue, bongdue" she asked again, so I decided to shrug which is the universal sign of "I have no idea what you're fucking saying" and she quickly solicited the help of a fellow employee who somehow spoke less English then herself. Now, I had two people saying "bongdue" at me so I just agreed to get my order "bongdue" and waited for my food.
They called my number and I took my tray to sit at the table where I can peacefully eat and be solicited to buy weed and fake watches throughout the entire meal. Two bites into my first sandwich and it became apparent that not only did it have mayo on it, but it had extra mayo and was a chicken sandwich. I now Know that "Bongdue" means to fuck up your entire order.
The chicken was not bad though, and it turns out they got my second sandwich correct. This tasted like a mixture of every gas station junk food on a bun covered in acid and after I finished it I was starting to feel like I was really high or about to die. After i finished the meal I knew I had to find the nearest restroom as fast as humanly possible. The German tourists were crowding Burger Kings bathroom so I ran to Starbucks where I could become violently ill in peace.
Besides getting sick, I give this restaurant 4 stars: one star for the food, one for the "bongdue" option on the menu, one for the weed you can buy while you eat, and one star for the fact that I went back to the same Burger King for dinner that night after dieing in the Starbucks bathroom.
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