As none of you know tomorrow is my birthday. I'm gonna be 22 years young and I will most likely be as bitter as I am every other day. BUT, I've compiled a list of gifts that would make me less miserable to be around tomorrow so I strongly encourage everybody to stop what they're doing and attend to my impossible to obtain desires.
1. New NYPD training film: Imagine if the problem with the police in NYC was as simple as giving them an actual training video instead of that old copy of Andrew Dice Clay's stand up that they make the new recruits watch everyday and then reenact to the general public.
Not a role model
2. Bag of Salvia: I want to get a bag of that Salvia stuff so I can sell it to the kids at the middle school across from my street, it's called profit...every heard of it? I was selling them ground up Crab apples but a few of the kids got really sick and may or may not have died : (
Artist rendition of the after math of the crab apples.
3.For Clay to stop tagging: Besides the fact that everyone of my friends has become a "tag artist" as of yesterday, I'm concerned for his well being. Oh, and it'd be nice to take a sip of my beer while on his roof without getting paint in it.
4. Destroy Peters Painter hats: Sounds like a riddle but come on, there are more hats available buddy. And lets face it, the last thing Peter painted was the town red while going on a pierogi shopping spree.
Not bad Peter, not bad at all...
5. Frog bong: Call me a perfectionist, but wouldn't it just tie together my lily pad hookah?
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