why have the best when you could have the rest

Picture this, the year is 2010. Cars are powered by gasoline, video game systems are powered by con edison, con edison is powered by your mom cause you live in her basement still, beer comes in a can that when the temperature has reached it's maximum level of refreshment the mountains turn blue. With all of these developments, I only mentioned the super important ones, it's mind boggling to me that some things are around and that there are people that actually help support these things. Here are a few that I've noticed recently.

1. Cop on a horse- I really can't come up with any situation in which this is the best mode of transportation for a police officer. If a police officer can't be in a car then they should be on a bike. Bikes don't gallop when your trying to sneak up on teenagers smoking weed on Crosby st, bikes don't take giant shit's in the middle of Broadway, and bikes also don't need pit stops to have a quick salt lick. Just when I thought New York City cops couldn't get anymore worthless they create a job where a fat guy from queens poses for pictures in times square for German tourists, but don't try to pet "officer sprinkles" or you'll be spendin the night in central bookin ya scumbag.

2. Pay phones- At this point in time, if you don't own a cell phone you either A) just got out of prison or B) are about to go to prison. There's something so unsettling about seeing someone on a payphone that you'd almost feel more comfortable openly masturbating in public. I recently lost my phone and had to call everybody from payphones and even homeless were looking at me like I was fucking crazy.

3. The porno video store- This ties in directly to the pay phone aspect of the demographic this attracts. How do you not have the Internet? Are you that stubborn that your begrudgingly gonna avoid getting a computer at any cost, even if that means completely tarnishing your already soiled image and putting the final nail in the coffin of your self respect? Do yourself a favor and get a cheap laptop and some decent Internet, the porno your gonna find is gonna fucking blow your mind.

4. Mime- At this point in the game, the mime really is the worst street performer in the street arts business today. You have people deep throating flaming swords, juggling chainsaws, walking on broken glass and razorblades, hammering nails into their faces, wait this might just be the coney island freak show I'm talking about. Either way, your stuck in a box and nobody is giving you a dime nor bumming you a cigarette.

5. Hookah bars- I honestly thought this would be short lived, but thanks to the same crowd single handedly keeping Ed Hardy brand clothing/energy drinks/beer afloat, it's not gonna go anywhere any time soon. I'm guessing these were the same people who thought that oxygen bars were the next big thing...