1.Stalling- This is a crucial step in any novice wanna be blogger successor. Good ideas don't just come to you out of thin air, you gotta sit and ponder that shit. When you think you got a funny idea, stall and do everything else you gotta take care of around the house to avoid updating the blog. Trust me, I know from experience man.
2. Hype- Anybody who's an everybody is a hype man. You think random joe schmos are gonna read your blog based on literary genius alone? No, you gotta talk about your blog non stop and update your facebook status with stuff like "CHECK THIS OUT!" or "I FUCKING LOL'D AT....". Before you know it your gonna have all kinds of assholes writing you saying "man I literally lol"d
at your last post, even if it totally sucked.
Bombard your friends status updates with your face and a brief message.
3. Make fun of your friends- Sure you love them and you wanna spend countless nights gushing out your every secret and desire with them but when you need to entertain a crowd you gotta roast the fuck out of one of your friends in order to make the rest laugh. Sure you'll receive a couple of hateful texts and a couple of broken hearts but in the long run you'll look back and say "god BLANK was so gay for getting all offended and stuff".
Look at me I'm Clay Im sexy, pshh what is he even doing here?
4. Obscure movie references and kooky words- Whenever the opportunity arises to bring up a movie that completely sucked but everybody has watched and not talked about for years, bring it up. "This is worst then the time I watched Dunston checks in" or "How's the booger circus working out". References like these will not only let people know your retro, but they'll also let everybody know your witty er and more kooky then them.
Bringing up movies such as "dunston checks in" is sure to bring laughs.
5. Paying off friends- In today's generation of kids watching "the office" and "cribs", their humor glands have a more(or less) sophisticated pallet. That's why more importantly then all other steps you need to bribe the grape vine. Soon enough everybody will be buzzing about what's so funny over at exampleblog.madeupetc.fart.
6.Where is the love- take a second to just think about how groovy it'd be if we could all get together and live in peace as one, a joined unit under one truth to be held self evident...this was a fake step, the real step is you need to let everyone know you smoke marijuana. Mike katz smokes marijuana and writes hit blog posts, what have you ever done?
A buzzed Katz "getting the Led out"
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